Alone by the Tree, Together at the Altar

by Kurt Lantz

Late at night I sit in the living room with the lights from the Christmas tree providing a warm glow and sacred choral music softly streaming in the quiet hours. It is quieter than it used to be. The only voice softly singing or humming along is my own. The Christmas tree lights don’t glow quite like they used to (not dimmer, but perhaps they seem a little duller). It is warm, but not as warm as it once was; there is only my own body heat on the couch on these winter nights when the draft finds its way into the room. This is my sixth Christmas since my wife died—and now she celebrates in the heavenly presence of Jesus rather than in our home.

Not every widow or widower experiences the holidays in the same way. Some have other family members with them while others are alone. Some find it not exactly sad but still different—perhaps more solemn and sober. And some feel deep sorrow during these sacred festivals in which we used to so vigorously celebrate with a more complete family. Our loving heavenly Father has always emphasized to His people the importance of taking care of widows (along with orphans and sojourners) to ensure that they are fed, housed, and not denied justice. But not much is said in the Scriptures about providing for the emotional needs unique to widows or widowers or, indeed, to all those who live alone.

This is my sixth Christmas since my wife died—and now she celebrates in the heavenly presence of Jesus rather than in our home.

Yet, the Scriptures are full of passages that speak of widows as being a source of strength for others, particularly for the worshipping community, the congregation of God’s people. Jesus pointed out to His disciples a widow putting her offering into the temple treasury as a premier example of giving with faith in the Lord’s ongoing provision (Mark 12:42-43; Luke 21:2-3). Jesus also depicted a widow in a parable about an unjust judge who finally grants the widow’s request because of her constant petitions for justice (Luke 18:5)—a story which encourages us to be persistent prayers. And at this time of year, we hear also of the widow, Anna, who was in the temple courts on the day when Mary and Joseph first brought Jesus. Anna was there every day and every night, worshipping with fasting and prayer (Luke 2:37).

The Lord’s commands to His people in the Book of Deuteronomy outline a reciprocal relationship between the community of faith and widows. On the one hand, because God “executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner” (10:18), His people were called to be His hand in doing this very thing. The tithe of their produce was to be given in order for the town to keep a food bank for the Levites, the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow (14:28-29). And on the other hand, those who received the fruit of these tithes were called to participate in the community’s festal celebrations. “You shall rejoice in your feast, you and your son and your daughter, your male servant and your female servant, the Levite, the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow who are within your towns” (16:14). I don’t believe this was just a command for inclusion, just so that such people would not feel unwanted or lonely. Based on the example of Anna and how Jesus pointed out the exemplary acts of the faith of widows, I believe these people were to be included precisely because they are so often exemplary leaders of faith and worship for the community.

Perhaps you have noticed this in your congregation. The widows are the ones who are regularly present and active in the service groups of our church. The widows have taken the lead while the rest are stumbling, trying to keep up. They have a faith that has been tried and tested and strengthened by the Lord through tribulations that not everyone has yet experienced. They cry out to our heavenly Father, knowing that He is gracious and merciful, that He has seen them through at least one battle with death, and that He will be with them to the very end.

It is important for God’s people to take care of widows, but also to remember that there is a reciprocal relationship of God’s blessings. Widows and widowers have something that God wants to bestow on the people of our congregations, something that we may not have in rich supply without them. In the same way that Anna at the Temple recognized and proclaimed Jesus to be greater than those around her could see, so too those who have lost loved ones have something to share with others about this Christ Child that we have received.

They do not always share this with us in words—in fact, they rarely do so. Rather, like a lonely veteran standing before a flag, widows and widowers standing before the altar give a greater witness through their vigil than they put into words. Here is true peace. Here is salvation from death. Here is the hope of those who grieve the loss of those we love. Here is the answer to loneliness and isolation. Here is the victory over death.

It all came to us in that little baby, wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger. Not everyone can see it as clearly as those who have lost their spouse. But when we see them among us in the pews, eyes fixed on the font, the crucifix, the pastor, the bread and the cup, they preach to us in harmony with the sermons that we hear.

Like battle-weary soldiers, they need you to stand with them. They need you to sing the hymns and carols when the tears blur the notes on the page. They need you to confess and pray when the words cannot get past the lump in their throats. They need you to kneel beside them so that they can know that you are one with them in the Christ that you receive together.

And with them kneeling beside you, perhaps it will be easier for you to see those who are with you in Christ beyond the range of vision. Perhaps with them you will see the departed faithful who are at the eternal feast on the other side of mortality. Perhaps in your singing for them you will hear more clearly the angels and archangels and all the company of heaven. And in your confessing along with them you will know more surely “the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting.”

The quiet stillness of the night alone before the Christmas tree is endured and even treasured when it is not the only experience of Christmas for widows, widowers, and all those who are single or alone for any reason. The best you can do for them is to treasure their presence with you before the altar. Help to get them there or, if they cannot, ensure that your pastor has time and energy to go to them. Where appropriate, you can even accompany your pastor to sing and confess with them and to share in their vision of the realities of Christmas that are sometimes beyond our sight.

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Rev. Kurt Lantz is pastor of Resurrection Lutheran Church in St. Catharines, Ontario.

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